I dreamt that I was rigged up to spy on a drug cartel. One organised by a prominent gang of female politicians. Hilary Clinton was there on a press junket. Which was engineered as a distraction for the heavy underworkings of this massive sting operation, run by women, to take down these burly, oily, overweight men. Think men in white singlets and bulging bellies.
Unknowingly, I had befriended one or two of them. And was unwittingly mic’d up (tiny thin wire, sticky taped to my chest, underneath my sheer white shirt). I was in grave danger and I could feel it. You see, I was being used as bait and there was no way that I’d be able to escape this alive, even if I happened to record their brazen confessions and run away from them. They would eventually find me and kill me. And I knew it.
I begged the woman in charge to release me from the burden of being a bit of bait in a sting operation. Furthermore, I did not want to be a sacrifice, no matter the cause.
Besides, I wasn’t even interested in helping the cause. I was just in the crossfire. I was merely the most convenient accessory and arm’s length and I couldn’t say no (thanks to fear). The irony being that I was also afraid of the outcome if I went through with it. As far as I was concerned, all of it had nothing to do with me. I just wanted to do my own thing and not be part of the politics, whatever the, quite possibly revolutionary, outcome.
It was such a no win situation for me that I was scared to play my part, no matter how innocent I was. Or how “right” the cause was.
Firstly, the dream interpretation meaning behind this, I’ve deduced, was that I’m tired and ready to bow out for a bit from all the pressing social issues that plague us daily. Most likely in the feminism bracket, given the strong women in power that featured in my dream. But it’s almost like that is too obvious. Perhaps, it also ties in with my need to stop being used by those around me (albeit innocently on their behalf) but I’m afraid to say no and afraid of the outcomes.
Truth be told, I do want to be passive for a bit. Or forever. Or for this life. That is to say I want change but I feel like I’m not the person to play a part in the effect of. What’s more, I don’t want to be a human sacrifice. This feeling is temporary, thankfully. But I am most certainly tired in a way that sleep can’t fix.
‘Tired, tired with nothing, tired with everything, tired with the world’s weight he had never chosen to bear,’ F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and Damned
Instead, I want to make beautiful art and live within in my creative realm. Pithy and pathetic and ineffectual in the grand scheme as that probably is.
‘Art is when you hear a knocking from your soul and you answer,’ Terri Guillemets.
What’s your interpretation of this dream? Would love to hear your insights. And don’t forgot to send me your dreams and I’ll throw up a brief interpretation.